leaking light.

Monday, 24 March 2014

Yes, I am still very much alive. I'm terribly sorry for being missing in action. I am still here, I still catch up with what my friends post, and I do have this incredible need to share my ramblings with you. I just don't take enough pictures. Maybe because I live a pretty static life. I don't move from place to place, I surround myself with the very same people I knew few weeks ago, few months ago, even in 2013. However, my life does change. Unfortunately, life's cruel (or maybe just people are), so this is how much I'll share. Please just know, that I am, in fact, happy. And I try my best to cherish this happiness that I've gotten from the universe. I told myself, K, you really need to finish a roll of film this week. You've got to. You've got to write.

I'm glad to tell you that I've accomodated. I accepted the changes the fourth term at med school brought, and I embraced them the best way I could. It was a killer, though. But I'm doing alright now, thankfully. I'm currently on this line straight up to holidays. March, April, May and June. Lack of sleep (at least 4 hours a night, okay?), lack of social interactions, lack of time, suffering through Microbiology classes. While all I want is to live my life like a Mumford & Sons song. Recklessly, at the top of my lungs. God, oh how I want to be spontaneous. Wake up next to someone, again and again. Feel inspired. BE NOISY. Spring's an amazing season, hands down. I can feel it in my bones, on my lips and in my heart. Days like these, I am actually certain that we will be alright, whatever happens. In the last post, I wrote that March '14 has a lot to live up to. By that I meant not only the first two months of this year, but perhaps mainly March '13, which seemed to be a pretty special month. Now, I'm mature enough to finally face this comparison, and to say that last year I was just a child, ready to hold onto anything, anything at all, that felt alright. I did waste some time, some terrible amount of time, that I had on my hands back then. But most of all, it was all in my head. March '14, even if a bit further away from one hundred percent clarity, is something real, which can be touched with my hands, pulled closer, tapped with my fingers. How fantastic is that? My mountains are so high, my valleys will seem like they're all the way down in hell, when it all ends. But screw that, it's not my fault I'm happy.

I am in mood to write love letters, but I don't even write in my diary anymore. There's this unstoppable stream of thoughts, flowing down my mind. I enjoy having certain dates to look forward to. Even though nobody knows what's going to happen tomorrow, and yup, plans might turn to dust as we turn to ashes, yet for me, a moment of blissful ignorance of the odds, so naive, but so soothing, is all I dream of whenever I open my eyes in the morning. I dream of it all being easier for both of us. Of the misadventure part being out of focus, just like in the first picture of that post. 

Love & Misadventure. The book I told you about back in December, finally making an appearance! :)

"Can I ask you something? Anything.
Why is it every time we say goodnight, it feels like goodbye?"

To say a few words about the pictures included in this post. Probably the one that stands out the most is the photograph where my whole year can be seen wearing white lab coats, right before we went to see an actual autopsy, thanks to our Patomorphology class. Quite unusual moment. Thank you K for making me capture this :) Other than that I included some light leaks that especially caught my attention while browsing through my new pictures. I absolutely love Agfa 400, but next time I'll be opting for 200 again :) It was lovely trying wider perspective with that new 28mm lens, but I do miss that insane bokeh Helios 44/2 has going on! :)

Please, be safe. With love, K.

inevitability of things

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Hello there,  March, my beloved friend. You have a lot to live up to. I feel sorry for being picture-less, just as this beautiful month begins. Then I though that I probably should just feed you another stack of Prague pictures (yeah, so many still remaining unpublished, which I find sad) or just say how I plan my next journeys or something like that. The truth is - I don't, I just live week to week, day to day, kiss to kiss. I'm not standing on the ground, I'm floating above it. It's March and I have 10 things in my jar so far. If I really focused on details and each up that I had experienced in the past two months, I'm pretty sure I'd double that. You gave my life a pretty good score so far. But I'm not that person and sometimes I don't fully appreciate what life gives me. You wish you could freeze time, shut the world out, grab someone and not let go of them. There's one thing that I refuse to be pessimistic about, and this is us. I'm ready to settle down for exactly as much as can be given to me. I want it all, but I'd take anything, and that's the bloody truth. Most of the time I just clench my fists and I am willing to go through all that, because I know soon enough I will be looking at you again and it will be alright. You're my stress killer and you're my friend. 

Oh damn, you told me you'd laugh if I ever use Prague again, only because I'm too lazy to go out and take regular photographs. You only want me to post this, to get inside of my head. News flash, you're already there. I wish my uni was kind enough to give us few days off from time to time, so I could just grab my things and go somewhere. In late April is the third stomatology conference, which I may or may not attend. (I want to, though. I really want to.)  I love being on my feet. Same with train rides, getting out in a completely different place, with that glimpse of hope that I could be a different person too. I suppose once the weather lightens up and I start living in the second term rhythm, we should just go to Varsovie together.

Resolutions for March? 
Not spilling any coffee over my bed sheet again. Treating some caries. Being more lovable and being good to you. Succeeding in having my mum over in Bialystok. TAKING MORE PHOTOGRAPHS. Starting to pay attention at lecture. Kissing more. Crying less. Eating better. Getting you to send me more of your music. Learning to talk dirty. Filling my room with nice and lovely things. Always having a fragrance candle burning. Organising myself. Cleaning my bags of all the pens that stopped working ages ago. Killing it at university. Those are just a couple of things that I listed off the top of my head. Guess I have my March filled, how about you? 

The pictures that I'm showing you in this post are by no means leftovers. Some are actually my favourites taken during that trip. The first one for example. The 'wow' view (how my flatmate and I called it) - If I wear to sum it all up, a trip that took place over 5 months ago, I would pick this one photograph. There are things that I never talked about, like visiting the Gingerbread Museum or accidentaly taking pictures of strangers, while loading a new roll of 35mm. All those little things that had their special place on my film.

Now that I managed to avoid studying for another two hours, let me go back to reality and check how boring respiratory system failures can possibly be. Arrivederci.

© Dipped in Rococo ~ lifestyle in analog Maira Gall.